August/September 2019: Diaries From My Job Journey In NYC

August 19, 2019

Well, here I am at a Starbucks in Chelsea… I originally planned on leaving yesterday but I was invited by Ceci to do a trial day at the office today to then be considered as a new hire as a design & production assistant.

This is honestly kinda crazy. Like everything is just happening so fast, but its all great. It’s like I’ve been living someone else’s life for the past couple of days. You always dream of New York as the place important people go to work hard making business, style, culture happen as it does. You picture the young creators and artists; people chasing their dreams. You think of it as some sort of magical place with people that are not you. But here I am?

When I think about it, I guess it makes sense. I am one of those people. I am that young ambitious person trying to make her way, and I’m not just dreaming, I’m actually doing it.

You think about the people in the movies and you feel like they go through extreme trials to make it. You think, I would never be that person living in a tiny apartment in Manhattan. I am not sophisticated enough to walk the streets in the morning navigating the hundreds of people who know exactly what they’re doing, where they’re going, and who matters in their day to day. But then you realize, every person who lives that life is that way because they believed they could be that person. They had confidence that what they had to offer was worthy enough to make an impact. No one is entitled to being here, people are here because they believed in themselves and pushed themselves to pursue their abilities. And they wanted to be surrounded by others who felt the same.

Being at the epicenter of opportunities here makes me feel very in control of who I am. There’s not really another place that I think would make me feel like I was able to fully work toward my greater potential except for maybe LA. It’s an empowering thought but also a stressful one. Living with this intensity, at this level, in this place, takes a lot of effort. And I never really thought otherwise, I just never knew what it really felt like. But here I am. And is it worth it? Would it be giving up to not pursue this? Or would it be contributing to my soul better if I were doing something else somewhere else? I struggle with feeling like this environment may cause me to get caught up in the surface level things more than the things that truly nourish me or allow me to care for/pour into/appreciate others. Then again, it is all about how I choose to live and develop relationships with other people.

Is there a perfect balance of living with an air of commanding respect and admiration alongside being a selfless, non-entitled, caring person? There must be. And it can’t be found through just me. I can’t be everything and I need other people around me to embody each of the aspects of a go getter, successful human that I would like to be. I need to know that if I want to master all sides of who I can be, I have to surround myself with those things. I need to see and feel from people whose identities are those that I want to emulate.

So today, I’m challenging myself to live with a smile and curious nature, focused on truly just gaining all that I can from the people around me. I’m taking in the openness of the man that opens the door for me. I am telling the person that makes my meal a story while they serve me. I am communicating with the people who are important in my life that can help me better understand what my future can be. I am learning from the people at Ceci and not being afraid to ask questions, show my shortcomings, and live honestly.

In the end, it all comes down to living with an open heart and no fear of being vulnerable. If I want to appreciate others and myself fully, I should show myself genuinely, curiously, and truthfully while engaging others in a way that allows them to live in the same way. Being thankful and showing that gratitude is what can fill my soul.

Here we go! Just another day on the journey that continues to develop my mind, perspective, talents, desires, understanding and identity. I could not be more grateful. :)

<3 Natalie

September 7, 2019

Well, here I am about 3 weeks later on my flight to New York, this time as a resident. With 3 suitcases and a purse, I am on my way. Again, this is crazy. Everything and everyone is running through my head.

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Who will I want to be? What parts of my dreams will I want to pursue first? What sides of me will I focus on developing? What will I struggle with and what will my mindset be? I’ve had some really good ideas for articles lately as my mind has been racing through all of these questions and I think about the people in my life.

1. Why making myself healthy and happy has been the most painful process of my life (eliminating people and things that don’t nourish me) (making myself extremely uncomfortable)

2. How society didn’t give me a chance to grow up and how I had to give myself that opportunity and time (social media forces us to be a picture of what everyone else we idolize as young women is, not who we are)

3. The damaging effects of asking a young adult how their new city and job is vs. how they are (the pressure of saying the most scary/uneasy/challenging/unpleasant/unfulfilling chapter is all good. What matters is how they feel about it)

   Possible things to pursue:

   1. writing personal articles to get published

   2. dance classes

   3. dinner club

   4. style writing

   5. calligraphy and graphic design

   6. interior design

      <3 Natalie