Welcome to my blog!! Documenting the sights and souls that make me live big and love bigger while chasing joy every step of the way. :-)
All in Diary
It seems as though many of the dreams I had ahead of me are all more dreamlike than ever before. Rather than being things I can aspire to be or do, they are things that I am not.
To be honest, I think part of this loss of wonder is just a part of growing up and starting to really feel the complexities of responsibilities, the future, and the dynamic of self versus others on a deeper level. So I do want to acknowledge to myself that I am proud of making recent decisions to do what I know is best for who I am, but more importantly for who I will be 5, 10, 25 years from now.
Maybe “excess” means an overload of obligations, productivity, pressure, time restraints, or priorities. On different days, I ideate this “excess” differently. But what I do know, is that a lot of what my life and mindset used to be filled with is not present now. And as an effect of this decluttering, my thoughts and greater consciousness have been illuminated. Sometimes it seems like they are exaggerated even.
This time, as I walked, I watched the sky. I saw how the clouds moved. I saw shapes in the trails that the jets left behind. I visited with the butterflies that flew beside me and stayed with them as I rounded each curve. I paid close attention to the way that the snake slithered across the pavement before me.
All of this being said, I have been extremely hesitant to even give an opinion or take on the situation, or how to deal with it, since I feel like the public, myself included, is kind of tired of the influx of “be kind to your neighbors!” sentiments. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see people supporting people. It has been amazing to watch everyone utilizing their voices for good! Thing is, little of these messages have really stuck with me or changed my perspective in terms of how I am navigating this time.
Like lifting weights or building our endurance, putting ourselves in situations that take us out of our comfort zones, force us to develop new skills or traits, allow us to come into contact with different people or things, push us to take on new roles, or alter our perspectives or beliefs, are all ways to strengthen our abilities to relate to more people, sympathize and even empathize with others, and have an armory of experience under our belts to fall back on when we are confronted by conflict or uncertainty in the future.
It’s amazing how we as humans can change so much over time. I look back and am kind of in awe of how I have gone through many different versions of myself in the past 23 years. But I know that all of that is my story. It is not all me, it is all my story. I can forgive myself of what I have now let go of and can be grateful for where everything and everyone has led me to. I can be excited for the journey, good and bad things alike. And I am so happy becoming truly myself. I am so happy striving for the best me.
I shouldn’t believe that saying your piece or really showing your value is selfish or conceded. It can be exhibited in selfish and conceded ways! But it does not have to be practiced with selfish or conceded drivers. And someone’s underlying character or intentions completely shine through when they say their piece or act with confidence. And no one should always put themselves second because they think that their sacrifice is better for others. Because you being first is important. What you have to contribute is important.
I think it’s also worth acknowledging that if you are reminded of someone or start to think about them in the most random, unimportant instances, it means that possibly as much as you hadn’t felt anything out of the ordinary just by interacting with them in the past, they indeed did make an impact on your life just by being present in that moment where your paths crossed. The value of these instances and relationships are so much more than we often think.
How looking up to others can cause us to more fully reach our own individual potentials and positively shape our images in accordance with the link between who we are and who we would like to be.
Now that I have been able to sit alone for a few minutes and gather myself, I feel more capable of pouring into others with the right attitude. I think this just goes to show that it is so important for me to have time when I get up to set my intentions for the day and to be more whole with myself before interacting with others.
How I began to realize that not being a strong person was okay. More than that, how being gentle and open to my weaknesses was one of the greatest tools for my growth and journey to better my relationships.
After taking cognizance of the depth of my love for decorating, personalizing, giving, and creating, the idea that these things could take more of a part in my professional life didn’t seem so far out. Coming into New York, I knew that I wanted to truly explore my interests in ways that might make a career out of what I loved and was constantly inspired by- my surroundings.
Devon Sanders: One of my best friends since I was 6 years old. Constantly pushing herself to do more with confidence in her opinions, ideas, and aspirations, Devon is a doer that fuels her drive from her desire to fulfill her goals and with the knowledge that she has something meaningful to contribute. She does not allow herself to be affected by judgments or barriers placed in her path by the world around her.
Why giving yourself a chance to connect with others by allowing everyone to see and understand your full self can change your life. And why being too cool for anything or anyone is your greatest barrier in embodying compassion.
Since one of my goals in this journal is to open up and share exactly those things I listed above and more, I thought maybe by telling you many of the accounts that I keep up with and hold dear on a daily basis, you might better understand where my feelings, thoughts, and words in my writing are coming from or what they are shaped by.
An update on how my diary created an issue I didn’t see coming and how it propelled me to truly dive into writing with honesty and passion.
I think this is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself and it is definitely something I strive to live by every day. The atmosphere that OV creates by supporting its consumers in leading a life characterized by encouragement to experience the world around them in an active, yet realistic way is inspiring.
As characterized by so many, you are an amazingly caring and selfless person, but this isn’t what makes you so special. What makes you so special is your deep belief and support for others. No matter what I've wanted to pursue in life or be in life, you have always made me believe that I was special enough, overly capable enough or great enough to achieve even more than I imagined.
