Is It Cool To Be Too Cool?? Trick Question: NO.

So really just going to go off on a rant here, but I’ve been a little fired up today so I feel like it’s worth talking about this subject while I’m feeling it. And it truly seems like such an easy answer for people to give to this question. Are you above something? Because of any certain reason do you dismiss others or think that certain things don’t apply to you? Is it cool to act too cool? The easy, *should be obvious, answer is no. This is the answer that I am indeed looking for. But does anyone actually practice not acting too cool that easily? From my experience, I just don’t think so.

We tend to feel comfortable acting too cool. If someone passes us walking to class and we know we know them but we’re just at the stage where we could either say hi or just keep walking by, most people choose the second option. It’s comfortable to not put yourself in a vulnerable position. So to act too cool to say hi to that person is a way for us to protect ourselves from embarrassing ourselves if the other person never intended to say hi to us. Or! An even bigger one for me, is that it is a way to maintain other’s perceptions of us in fear that if we were to respond or open ourselves up, people wouldn’t regard us in the same way or be disappointed in who we really are. In a way, acting too cool creates a route for us to avoid putting in effort for others or from having to introduce uncertainty. It’s basically an excuse to only prioritize ourselves out of self-doubt.

In high school, this was the classic conundrum. Do I act cool to fit in with the cool kids whose exclusivity and status give me more cred and solid identifiers of identity? Or be on the outskirts with all of the other people who are unique and not specifically recognized but have their own groups of friends outside of the untapped golden circle? And once we experienced that, I thought that surely people learned their lesson that being on an “in crowd” never satisfied anyone. And more importantly that that sort of behavior that exhibited exclusivity only made the people, inside and out, feel isolated. I thought that surely these things would be left in that chapter of life. Much to my dismay, that was not at all the case. And college seemed to be a whole other ballpark of who to hang out with, what to be involved in, and what things to do.

A personal aside: Over the years, on my birthday, I have received a wide array of messages from family and friends wishing me a celebratory day. From, “Happy birthday! :) ” to endless text paragraphs, a pattern began to emerge among the messages that impacted me the most. It didn’t matter who the person was that sent me a birthday wish, it was the tone of the words that conveyed if they were excited to text me, nervous to text me, thankful to text me, obligated to text me, etc. that really struck a chord. I could tell if people were holding back or if they really tried to express their love upfront. This year, I took this insight and tried to translate it into my own responses to each message. I really had nothing to lose at this point, not to mention the fact that I’m just done being worried about another’s opinion on if I’m overly expressive or stretch my reach too far. And it wasn’t hard to see that even if someone wished me a happy birthday with little enthusiasm, when I responded with equal or more enthusiasm, they felt appreciated or felt joy. They didn’t exude judgement. Their next response was almost always even greater than the original message. After years of me trying to find the balance of how many emojis to use or how many exclamation marks crossed the threshold of excited to excessive, I let go of thinking that I had to make anyone feel like they were less important to me than I was to them to remain “cool”. And to think that the person on the other end doesn’t have that same fear is so wrong! Me on my soapbox: Literally every single person deserves to be appreciated, recognized, and celebrated. Younger, older, richer, poorer, "cooler" or uncooler. Everyone is human. Everyone has emotion. Everyone needs love.

“Every single person deserves to be appreciated, recognized, and celebrated. Younger, older, richer, poorer, “cooler” or uncooler. ”

Although it may be an uncomfortable practice for people to put themselves in a position where there is certain judgement, it circles back to an “others” centered mentality. By breaking your walls down of what you feel you should be, you allow people to see who you are.

I know at this point you’re saying, ‘But some people really just won’t like who I am! It’s just easier to be something people won’t really have opinions about.’ And you’re exactly right. Some people won’t. Some people will say, ‘Why the heck did she just say hi to me? That was so weird, I barely know her.’ right behind your back. And that feeling sucks. Some people will have poor judgements of who you are no matter what you do. Even if what you’re doing is nice and good and pure. But if I’ve learned one thing over the past 7 or so years, it’s that no matter how much the amount of criticism you receive for putting yourself out there and openly giving yourself to the world, there are enormously more positives to feeling like you came into every relationship and every day being the person you were made to be. Beyond the pain, there is beauty. And the people who support you in who you truly are when you are vulnerable and open are the people you should be surrounding yourself with. Those are the opinions that matter and encourage you to make an impact; the impact only you were created to make. A genuine heart is hard to come by. Be one.

Me and two random Korean friends I met on a bridge in rural Germany! After taking pictures of them, I struck up conversation about questions I had regarding their lifestyle and travels. Little did I know they would become my buddies for the entire tour and people I will always cherish as a part of my journey. They had beautiful hearts. It just took me breaking down my walls of uncertainty to engage and be allowed the experience of these strangers’ pureness and joy !!

So when you are brushing off someone or something or doubting if the amount that you share, express, or do is too much, too little, or too anything, remind yourself that you are only hurting yourself and others by not taking the opportunity to connect with those around you. You are removing the possibly to help others experience joy or be healed in a certain way that you may never know you are healing. In the end, it comes down to recognizing that by removing your hesitancy to engage, you make others feel comfortable and accepted. Once they feel like you accept them, they will open up to you in the same way; almost always returning the same sense of friendship and recognition. And that openness makes each individual a better them by allowing the genuine heart to be. To be known and loved and shared.